Consulting Speak 101 – Lesson #1: Making “The Deck”

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Welcome to the first of ten lessons where you’ll learn to speak like a real value-driven consultant. 

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You didn't think the Power Rangers could be Rangers forever, did you?

Make yourself sound more important and authoritative, and win arguments by unloading massive payloads of awe-inspiring corporate buzzwords! 

We hope you’ll use these buzzwords at work, the coffee shop, or even at the grocery store. 

Without further ado, here is our first lesson: 

Lesson #1: Making “The Deck”

A “deck” (or “slides”) is synonymous with “PowerPoint Presentation”, ”PPT” or “Presentation”. 

Buzzwords (in bold) and usage suggestions: 

Mr. Halpert, we’ve got a real situation on our hands. I’m going to have to push our 2 o’clock or else the deck won’t get done.  I’ll circle back with you later.

Circle + Back.

Being a consultant has never been so easy! 

“Dwight, this slide is far too busy, let’s try not to drain the deck now. We don’t want to boil the ocean over here.”  

...and boilin teh oceans

And my personal favourite: 

“Pam, why don’t you go ahead and take notes on the go/no-go criteria discussion so we can bake it into the final deck later.” 

  

MMmm.... pie

 

We end our lesson with a video:

That wraps up our 1st lesson – quick and simple, wasn’t it? Make sure you subscribe with us on RSS/Reader to keep yourself in the loop and in the know. 

Up Next: Lesson #2: Create Something Out Of Nothing 

*Special thanks to all my colleagues in the corporate world who make this post a reality

Gadget Budget Hacks Revisited: Awesomeness Squared

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I’m here today to introduce a Google Labs feature I came across the other day: Google Squared.

As Pat outlined in his Gadget Budget Hacks post the other day, building an Excel spreadsheet to compare a number of products can be an incredibly useful tool.  Only problem is, you need to write all that crap in manually.

Enter Google Squared.

Take any product type you’re interested in, say, “Netbooks“, plug it into Google Squared, and it BUILDS A COMPARISON CHART FOR YOU:

HOLY !@#$@

Sorry Pat, you’re no longer needed here!

A search for lolcat unfortunately turned up no results, but when I pointed it in the right direction by adding ceiling cat, longcat, and tacgnol, to the search, it gave me this beautiful list of internet memes, and their eye colors:

Useful, now I can compare and choose which meme I want to exploit!

New columns and rows can be added at will, and if there are multiple choices for items you can select which you want, or manually input your own data.  It’s an incredibly powerful tool, and I’m sure it will only get better as time progresses.

Even Google Squared has its limits though:

Aww shucks, now I'll NEVER be able to keep them all straight...

Go try it out today, and let us know what your favorite “Squares” are!

The Collaboration Curve: Part One

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Back in August 2009, Deloitte, a major accounting and consulting firm, came out with a study on the massively popular MMORPG, “World of Warcraft“.

You might ask, “Why is OSS interested in such a study?”  Well, gentle reader, the answer is twofold:

A) It’s Deloitte

Any time a firm with tens of thousands of employees across the globe, involved in such riveting subjects as “Enterprise Risk Management”, decides to put some of its resources to bear on studying a MMORPG, we’re listening.  As enlightened geeks, we love to see how the pleebs view our various subcultures, especially when they actually find something positive about countless hours spent farming Mageweave.

Mageweave...er "Armor"

B) It’s the Curves

“The Collaboration Curve”… this is actually a great term (coined by Deloitte) for a phenomenon that’s been taking place since the dawn of human societies, and it forms the centerpiece of the study.  To put it in laymen’s terms, it describes how the sharing of knowledge between individuals and communities results in an upward curve of performance.  All of us have benefited from the ‘Curve’, whether it was learning the best way to spear a mammoth in the Pliocene epoch, or how to get pregnant in the year 2009 (3rd most popular “How To” search query on Google).

This is a concept so basic, so simple, and so essential to human progress, that when you realize it took a Deloitte study on WoW for you to recognize it, you’ll go “Oh Snap, Son!”.  Or, if you’re an educated snob, you’ll go “That’s daft, these buffoons clearly aren’t familiar with the seminal work of Lave & Wenger.”  Either way, it’s a fascinating concept, and it will be the subject of this series of posts.  As I will argue in posts to come, it is a concept that no company, person, organization, WoW guild, or other such entity involved in the online world, can ignore.  In fact, in the spirit of collaboration, I invite our reader(s) to post any comments, questions, or suggestions they may have about our blog, or life in general, below.

Why Now?

The phenomenon is age-old, but the internet has made such collaboration possible on a huge scale, while also removing or lowering the barriers for participation.  For example, learning the best way to spear a mammoth and spreading that knowledge across communities might have taken our ancestors decades or centuries, yet now any doofus with an internet connection can Google “how to cook a turkey” and quickly gain access to well written instructions, thereby allowing the doofus  to cook a turkey much more efficiently than previously possible.  (On a side note, when googling something is still too high of a barrier, there’s always “Let me google that for you,” or even Yahoo Answers.  Be careful though, people on Yahoo Answers have been known to seriously attempt answering such questions as “How is babby formed?“, casting the usefulness of their answers in doubt.)

Yahoo Answers: BAD, Collaboration Curve: GOOD

In any case, the internet means more collaboration, and much faster than before.  Thus we can rightly expect that the positive effects of this collaboration will be quicker and better than before.  Thanks to the interwebs, we can now see the improved performance of a community in the scale of weeks, months, or years, not decades or centuries.

In Deloitte’s study, as indicated in the full graph below, the curve was the improvement in the amount of time it took players to reach a certain level in the game.

Now I can spend less time lvling, and more time farming Mageweave, YAY!

In the next few posts in this series I will examine,

A) How to properly harness the power of the collaboration curve

B) Which companies/entities/sites are doing it well, and those that are doing it poorly (or not enough)

C) Possibilities for the future

Stay tuned.

In the mean time, I offer you the most advanced search engine to ever exist, answering what is quite possibly the stupidest question to have ever bubbled up from the primordial ooze of the internet:

Soon, computers will realize the idiocy of our race and exterminate us with impunity.